The jokes

Funeral

Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?

Because Sally wrote the invitations!

Orphan

I would stop bullying the orphan kid, what's he gonna do? Cry to his mommy?

Kill

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.

Spider

Why don’t spiders go back to school?

Because they learn everything on the web.

Dad

Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.

Orphan

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

Plane

A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.

A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"

Death

What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.

Orphanage

The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.

Orphan

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because the parents are in every episode.

Nail

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture.

Friend

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

Mama

Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!