The jokes
What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
What’s wrong with a gay bbq?
All the hotdogs taste like shit.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"