The jokes

Why does Michael Jackson like to play ping pong or table tennis? He likes to play with the little balls.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!

What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.

1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.

What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.

How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?

You untie the rope.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer.

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?

They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.