The jokes
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
What did the Asian say to the Asian?
*Cough*
Why did the Indian cross the road?
Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
Memes
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.
Why doesn’t the sun ☀️ go to college?
Because it has a million degrees.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣
Why did Michael Jackson go to the movies? He saw there was minor nudity.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Why did the koala climb the tree?
To get to the other branch. :)
He made it, don't worry!
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
Yo forehead so big, NASA needed it for the new planet, stupid!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Why are school shooting jokes so funny?
Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
What has fingernails and legs made of grass? You, I lied about the grass.