The jokes
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast.
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.
A depressed boy went to high five a tree, guess what the tree did?
The tree left him hanging.
When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."
I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
Why can't Asians play cricket? They'll eat the bat.
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.
Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!