The jokes

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.

Why did the baby cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken.

Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.

Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?

Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.

How do bees 🐝 get to school?

They ride the school buzz!

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.