The jokes
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?
The lobsters in the kitchen.
What's the favorite song of an Emo?
"Chain Hang Low."
What did the orphan say to his parents?
I'm tripping balls right now!
Papyrus: Well come to the underground.
Sans: How was your falls?
Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.
Sans: Give me your balls!
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.
What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?
They both went down on my dad.
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
I don’t usually tell 9/11 jokes, they usually crash and burn.
You can sink the Titanic like you can drive a bike. Not a joke.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
People on the Titanic were cracking up at my jokes, so did the Titanic. No, really, the Titanic cracked in half!
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
(everyone on Titanic) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ship will sink!!!!
(person washing hands) I'm using the sink, wait your turn!!!!!
(all crew members laugh) Hahahhahahahahah.
I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
Apples look better hanging on a tree.
What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"