The jokes
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
What's the laziest mountain?
Mount Ever-rest.
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
Once you go Asian, you can solve the equation.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.