The jokes
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "Iβm an orphan, your honor."
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Memes
No one.
Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."
I started an emo salsa band. We're called Hispanic at the Disco.
Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same.
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, Iβm not that mean, heβs still trying to open his presents.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year? They don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
The depressed kid went to high five the tree... but the tree left them hanging.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a Shitzu.