The jokes

You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

An e-girl went to go high five a tree, but the tree left her hanging.

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.

Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.

What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?

Nothing, they both hang.

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."

Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?

Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.

Joe mama so fat, she fell on both sides of the bed.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"