The jokes
You know, the earth was flat till they buried your mama.
What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?
The baseball player knows where home base is.
Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)
I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
Why couldn't the orphan go on the school field trip?
Because it required a parent's signature.
Whoever said white people can't jump obviously hasn't seen the 9/11 footage.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Why can't orphans really play baseball?
Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?
(Getting brutally murdered.)
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?
I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.
What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?
You've got a lot of problems!
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
Why was the kid's report card all wet?
Because it was below "sea" level.
You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.