The jokes
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
Roses are red, violets are blue, get the f*ck out, I’m trying to poo!
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
Memes
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
Everyone remembers it! :)
The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
Why couldn't the orphan go on the school field trip?
Because it required a parent's signature.
Whoever said white people can't jump obviously hasn't seen the 9/11 footage.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?
The apple... the emo just hangs there.
What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?
I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
Why can't orphans really play baseball?
Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.
Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?
A: Flip the chair upside down.