The jokes

What's worse than a pile of dead babies?

One at the bottom that's still alive.

What's worse than that?

It's forced to eat its way out.

What's even worse than that?

It comes back for seconds.

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can watch the expression on their face.

The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"

I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔

How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?

4!

One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"

Incest is wincest. (That was above.)

Fun for the whole family!

Next of kin, count me in!

What is similar between sex and fishing?

It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.

Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."

Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?

Freeze.

What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?

"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"

When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.

What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.

The whole solar system is one big family, right? But everyone circles the sun.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.