The jokes
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
Memes
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini.
The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.
I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
I got kicked out of a library today because I put a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?
Because it was over 10 years old.
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What do you call a letter using the bathroom?
The P.
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.