The jokes

What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler!

What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three. He said, "Uno, dos," and disappeared without a tres!

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.

Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.

dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(

what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?

"Here Comes the Sun."

What did the priest say to the skunk?

Let us spray.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Queen.

Queen who?

You don't know the queen? You're crazy!

What did the Chinese girl say when she had a white baby?

"Sum Ting Wong."

I got kicked out of a library today because I put a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini.