The jokes

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?

Because they are really good at saving.

What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?

Dam fools.

What is Saturn's favorite movie?

Lord of the Rings.

Why does a milking stool have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the udder one.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I was at an emotional wedding. The cake was in tiers.

How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?

You turn off the WiFi router.

What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?

The taste.

What did the balls say to the dick?

Hey dick, how's it hanging?

A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!

Victims of 9/11 are the fastest readers. They went through 94 stories in seconds.

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

But I also think I screwed it up.

Why does the sky think it's so powerful?

Because it's always looking down on us.

What do tigers wear in the winter?

A striped sweater.

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

Is it incest if it’s out in the open?

Or is it... outcest?

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?