The jokes
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Memes
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
What is the definition of confusion?
Three blind lesbians in a fish market.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.
I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?
Because it got everybody's pokes!
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me :3
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."