The jokes

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

I'm in the year 1930...

The Great Depression.

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.

Son: Why?

Father: You’ll need them there.

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.

I replied I'd get ink poisoning.

Wouldn't recommend, the police came.

"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.

What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?

School shooter.