The jokes
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?
One's a superhero, one's a command.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
When was the biggest BBQ in history? Hiroshima, August 6, 1945.
Sodomising a physically challenged homophobic heterosexual white male is better than the smallest act of kindness.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.