The jokes
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
What did the plane say to the tower?
"Give me a kiss."
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."
What’s the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
The Twin Towers remind me of an emote... bing, bang, boom.
I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's parents?
The clock actually comes back around.
If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?
Why did the plane cross the road? To get to the other tower.