The jokes
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
Memes
Im so special
Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. What the fuck? Saturday.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
What’s the difference between kids and drugs?
I don’t hide drugs in my basement.
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Where do sick boats go? The dock!
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men
What kind of games do they play in Africa? The hunger games.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.