The jokes
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"
Where were the first orange trees 🍊🌳 planted?
In Orange County.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
Memes
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
Why do orphans use water for cereal? Cause their dad never came back with the milk.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
Why do orphans always have water with their cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk!
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.
Why did the orphan get kicked off the baseball team?
He would never make it home base.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.
Because I hate dealing with parents.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.