The jokes

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.

I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.

Why did the tiger lose at poker?

Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.

Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?

He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.

What is Africa's most famous sport?

The Hunger Games.

The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What is the biggest joke ever? Trump.

*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.

A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”

What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?

"Sandy cheeks."

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

Every culture has weird food.

Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.