The jokes
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
Why do orphans use water for cereal? Cause their dad never came back with the milk.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
Why do orphans always have water with their cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk!
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.
Why did the orphan get kicked off the baseball team?
He would never make it home base.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.
Because I hate dealing with parents.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.