The jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

What's the best part about having emo grass?

It cuts itself!

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.

Cheer on the rapist if you want.

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?

Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.

Where are the best shooting ranges in America?

Used to be in schools, but now in subways.

What is long and black? The line at Popeyes.

In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.

"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"

"Cancer."

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To end his pain and suffering.

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"

What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!

Why did the farmer go to the strip club?

Because he was looking for his hoe.