The jokes

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"

"Africa," the parrot replied.

Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.

Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.

Why do orphans use water for their cereal?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?

I don't know, I can never see them.

ssundee: "If this video gets to 100k likes, I'll post part 2."

SSUNDEE WIFE: "SHUT THE #### UP!"

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!

Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)

I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.

One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."

The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."

Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

Fishermen are the best at networking.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?

Because it looks like a kitchen floor.

There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost the case.