The jokes
What has more brains than the Columbine students? The wall behind them, xD.
A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
I tried phone sex once. But the holes were too small.
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?
A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
What is the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's dad?
The boomerang comes back.
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.