The jokes

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you are in prison.

A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?

I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.

Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane flying 10,000 miles up, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they're the ones who made the toys.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

ssundee: "If this video gets to 100k likes, I'll post part 2."

SSUNDEE WIFE: "SHUT THE #### UP!"

Elmo, stop penetrating the orphan!

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.

Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.

Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?

Because it looks like a kitchen floor.

There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

Where did Lucy go after the bombing?

Everywhere.

Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.