The jokes

Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.

What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?

..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.

A wild Iceberg appears. Go Titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt. The attack misses. Titanic faints.

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.

And your IQ is 5.

When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"

A block of gold walked into a bar. The bartender said, “AU, get out!”

Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

Friend 2: Pizza.

Friend 3: Donuts.

Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"

What's the best thing about a blowjob?

- The silence.

Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.

A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?

I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...

What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

Just trying to fit in.

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.

Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."

Guy: "What's the bad news?"

Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."

Guy: "Good news?"

Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.