The jokes

The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."

Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

How do you get a clown to stop smiling?

You shoot him in the face.

Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.

The police: You finally figured it out.

How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "Yes," and lifted up her dress. Then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.

What game hurts you the more stages you survive?

Cancer.

Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

What's the best part about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.

So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.

In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."

What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?

I don't have $1 million in my wallet.

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

Why were the Twin Towers upset? They ordered Domino's but got jets.