The jokes

I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.

How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?

They both can crash down.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

Because they needed someone to call "daddy".

What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man?

Get a fucking job.

Why did the octopus cross the road?

To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙

Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?

Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.

😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"

Yo mama so ugly that when she was born, the doctor looked at her face, then at her butt and said, "Twins!"

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.

Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.

I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

Why the f was my shooting joke removed? It was funny, and this is obviously a website for morbid humor. WTF, I mean, worstjokesever.com. Come on...

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.