The jokes
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
What show does an orphan hate the most? Modern Family.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?
A. A lamb slide.
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."