The jokes
Why can't orphans go to Home Depot?
Because they do not have a home!
What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?
Nemo was eventually found.
What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
Memes
What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
What show does an orphan hate the most? Modern Family.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.