The jokes

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.

Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

What’s the best part about fucking an emo chick?... she's limited edition.

Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬

Why can't orphans go to Home Depot?

Because they do not have a home!

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?

Very little.

Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"