The jokes

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.

Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Not Bob.

Why was the boy crying?

He had a frog stapled to his face.

The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.

A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bartender here?"

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage :)

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?

“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.