The jokes

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?

A. A lamb slide.

Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.

What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.

Why did piglet go to the bathroom?

To search for Poo.

A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

I never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.

What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?

One of them won’t clean the oven.

Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?

Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.

My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.

What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?

It’s the premium version of gay.

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?

Black matter leaves an impact.

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."