The jokes

My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.

If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.

They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!

A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit.

What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?

Nothing, he just exploded.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!

Why are cows such great dancers?

They have all the best moooves!

9/11 is the biggest game of Jenga... ;)

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.

I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!

What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.

What did the tree say to the wind?

Leaf me alone.

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

An outlaw is wanted.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.

What's the smartest crime?

3rd degree murder.