The jokes
Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because then they would be called bagels! πππππππππππππ
Memes
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. Iβm just trying to look at/make jokes, and Iβm getting shit from people saying, "Itβs too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
What did the octopus say to the other? "Letβs hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.