The jokes

How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?

A trash can behind the cancer ward.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.

How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?

By dropping two of the biggest roasts.

What's black on top and white on the bottom?

rape.

What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?

The redneck virgin.

What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?

They both hang from trees.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?

For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

My stepdad beat my ass before he left.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

A boy and his friend were walking down the street.

Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"

Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."

Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."

Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.

He came in twice.

(like if u understand)

Why did the cheetah get disqualified?

Because he was a cheetah, duh!

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.

What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?

A 9mm.

What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?

They sync properly.