The jokes

What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?

They sync properly.

My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.

A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit.

What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?

Nothing, he just exploded.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!

Why are cows such great dancers?

They have all the best moooves!

A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."

9/11 is the biggest game of Jenga... ;)

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.

I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.

What did the tree say to the wind?

Leaf me alone.

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

An outlaw is wanted.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.