The jokes
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Memes
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.
A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit.
Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.
Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.