The jokes

I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.

I just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the women's rights in the fiction section.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!

I got kicked out of a library because I put a book about women's rights into the fantasy section.

"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"

When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.

Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.

The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.

What is the difference between a snow woman and a snowman?

Snowballs.

Crucifixion was the first T-pose.

What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!