The jokes

What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."

A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

Two windmills were standing in a wind farm. One asked, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other one replied... "I'm a big metal fan."

How does the bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?

I’m bone to be wild!

Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.

What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!

How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

What did the paintings name their daughter?

Palette.

Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?

It was Eight-Nothing.

When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?

When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.