The jokes

What's the difference between an erection and Edward Holland? Nothing, they're both dicks.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50, that fuckin' whore.

What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!

Why did the girls sit on the clock?

To be on time.

Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.

What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?

A stoner has papers.

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?

The pussies are limited edition.

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

What did the lawyer name his twins?

COURTney and CASEy.

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?

Palpatine: Screw it.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

Genders are like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.

Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.

No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.

I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.

The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"

Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.

Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?

Because they don't know who's Homer.