The jokes

Genders are like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.

What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?

The pussies are limited edition.

What did the lawyer name his twins?

COURTney and CASEy.

I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.

No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Who is the fastest reader? 9/11, it went through 10 stories in 7 seconds.

Jack and Jill went up the hill. So Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock.

Because Jill's real name was Randy.

Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?

Because they only gave him one test tickle.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."

England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."

Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."

The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50, that fuckin' whore.

What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!

Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snowballs!

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.