The jokes

How does the bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush.

Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?

I’m bone to be wild!

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.

How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

What did the paintings name their daughter?

Palette.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.

Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?

It was Eight-Nothing.

When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?

When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.