The jokes

Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?

Because she ran out of immortali-tea.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

THIS IS A RHYME

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.

Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,

and they had a little fun.

Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.

Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.

Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.

I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.

But it was only on paper view.

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.

"Moo!" says the second.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

I wonder if the Titanic still sells fish?

What's the difference between light and hard?

It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.

What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?

"Get off me homes."

If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.

Double!

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

Triple!

Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.

When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

A pair of Caesars.

What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.