The jokes
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
Memes
Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."
yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
School shooting happens:
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk.
American student: “First time?”
The student from Irak with an AK47: "RAtatata..."
Where do keyboards go to have dinner?
The space bar!!!
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to stop the Cold War with a heater.
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"