The jokes

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.

"Moo!" says the second.

I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.

But it was only on paper view.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

THIS IS A RHYME

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna.

Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress,

and they had a little fun.

Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son.

Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.

Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

I wonder if the Titanic still sells fish?

What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?

"Get off me homes."

What's the difference between light and hard?

It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.

If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.

Double!

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

Triple!

Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.

What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

A pair of Caesars.

Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

God: “Steven, join us.”

*sees the staircase to heaven*

Steven: “Shit.”