The jokes

Your mama is so skinny that when she went to go outside, the slightest breeze flew her all the way to New Mexico.

The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.

Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.

What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?

One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.

My friend Arid asked me what I did over the weekend. I told him, "I read."

Get it? I read? No... ok.

What did the two oceans say to each other?

Nothing. They just waved.

I was baking a cake when I saw some egg shell in the mix. I said, "You've got to be yolking me!"

What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?

"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."

There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She has no arms.

Why was the egg runny?

Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.

Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?

A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

My dad came back!

What did the cannibal say to the other?

"Can I practise on you?"

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.

You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.

The wheels on the wheelchair go round and round.

What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"

You know the only way to win is you have to actually planet.

What’s the world’s most diseased country?

GerMany.