The jokes
Your bus is so short... the wheels touch.
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the only contraction they know.
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
Why was the cow scared? Cause he had a nightmoo-r.
Memes
What do you call a baby in the crib?
Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.
Your momma's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean.
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
What do cows read? The moospaper!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the moovies.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
What did the whale say?
Nothing!
It just wailed.
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why did the child cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone unplugged the WiFi router.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
Why did the chicken cross the road to go away?
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.