The jokes
What did the downs kid get on his math test??
Drool.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.
What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
If Italy attacked France from the rear, would Greece help?
What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
What did the cake say to the fork?
"Do you want a piece of me!!!"
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."
yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"