The jokes
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?
Raisin' kids.
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
Memes
I like my women how I like my wine.
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.
Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A: Stoners have papers.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."
Gf: "I luv u too."
Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."
Gf: "Ah, about that..."
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
The toilet paper tried to cross the road. He couldn't because he was stuck in a crack.
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.