The jokes

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Why are all the emos banned from Six Flags?

Because they keep cutting in line.

In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.

The police: Pull over!

The kid: Do you know who my dad is?

The police: What, your mom did not tell you?

What is the road on a hill?

Hillside.

Why do orphans prefer IKEA to the Home Depot?

Because the Home Depot provides supplies for *a* home. IKEA just provides furniture.

Being gay must be a pain in the ass.

Credit to omnom.

Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.

The bully: You're gay.

The nerd: I am.

The bully: Yeah.

The nerd: Then what are you?

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

This isn't a joke but...

GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

Your momma's so fat, she farted in bed and blew the covers off.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

The apples get picked.

Fred says, "Have you heard the rumor about butter?"

Bob says, "Umm no."

Fred then says, "Ah, okay then I won't spread it."

How do you get an emo out of the tree?

You cut the rope.