The jokes
How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.
He died because he rolled too far away from the wall outlet and got unplugged.
"I was lost in the woods yesterday."
"I was in some sticky situation..."
What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?
"Meow!"
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
Memes
What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
People with wheelchairs listen to "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele.
Why did the Unicorns become extinct?
Because unicorns are gay! :|
One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.
The man asked for some crack.
The woman turned around and said, "Here."
That's where the crack was, you guessed it.
The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."
Why is the Navy gay?
There all seamen.
Once the aliens was gonna have a party, they had to planet.
What’s the difference from me and a gay person? You.
What’s the difference between Burger King and Ron Jeremy?
BK doesn’t sell real meat.
What's the difference between a human and a tree?
A human can chop down a tree.
A tree can't chop down a human.
Why are fire trucks big?
To hang out with the firefighters!
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
Why did the cow eat?
Because it was hungry.
A guy saw a person with a duck and said, "Where did you get a pig?"
The owner replied, "It's not a pig, dummy!"
The random guy said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck."
I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.
One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.