The jokes

A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."

The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"

The doctor calmly replies "Nine".

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”

I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.

"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."

"No, not until their parents pick them up."

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

Where did Sally go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

A teacher asked her class “what is sex?”

Little Johnny got up and said: “Sex is a *temptation* Caused by a *sensation* Where the boy sticks his *location* Into a girls *destination* To increase the *population* Of the next *generation* Did you get my *explanation*? Or do you need a *demonstration*?”

The teacher faints.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?

Little kids leave preschool.

Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.

Except my depression.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message