The jokes
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.
What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The face you make when you nail them.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack.
*If you don't get it, it got stuck in the butt crack.*
Memes
Damn.
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.
What is the difference between a tree and walking home from a wheelchair?
What is the difference between a tree and a school?
A school is for kids, and a tree is for birds.
Two Australians walk into a bar. They run into the ceiling fan immediately.
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
What did the cow say to the other?
"Cheese!"
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
What did one bean say to the other bean?
How you bean?
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
What did the bank say to the person?
Bank you very much.
Why did the orange start blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing!