The jokes
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Why did the orange start blushing?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
Why did the accountant fall off his bicycle?
Because he lost his balance!
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.
(Teach me your ways, 15%.)
What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?
Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
My life, there, that was the joke.
Dang, it got ketchup on my sleeve. What do I do?
Spread the love!
Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?
Answer: European (You're-a-peein')
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.