The jokes
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
Memes
Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
Tamalito.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.