The jokes
Why did the tamale go to the hospital?
Tamalito.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."
So I said, "Aquarius."
And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
Did you ever receive an anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have an orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?
What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?
A bullet.